A Letter from a farm kid now at the San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches", which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to
tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't
move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once.

He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Carol

10 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

10. Why do people call a water heater a "HOT" water heater? If it was hot water then why would you be heating it???

Blonde's Year In Review:

JANUARY -- Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

FEBRUARY -- Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels . . . . "duh" . . . . bottles won't fit in typewriter.

MARCH -- Got excited . . . . finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months . . . . the box said "2-4 years".

APRIL -- Trapped on escalator for hours . . . . power went out.

MAY -- Tried to make Kool-Aid . . . . 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!

JUNE -- Tried t go water skiing . . . . couldn't find a lake with a slope.

JULY -- Lost breast stroke swimming competition . . . . learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.

AUGUST -- Got locked out of car in rain storm . . . . car swamped because the top was down.

SEPTEMBER -- The capital of California is "C" . . . . isn't it?

OCTOBER -- I hate M & M's . . . . they are so hard to peel.

NOVEMBER -- Baked a turkey for 4 1/2 days . . . . instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108.

DECEMBER -- Couldn't call 911 . . . . "duh" . . . . there's no "eleven" button on the phone.

World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl
said,"NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and
hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

One night a man walked into the bedroom where his wife was sleeping while holding a sheep under his arm. While standing at the foot of the bed the man said, "See Honey, this is the pig I have sex with when I'm not having sex with you."
His wife rolled over, looked at him and commented, "That's great Dear, but I think you will find that is a sheep and not a pig."
The husband promptly replied, "Thank you, but I think you will find that I wasn't talking to you!"

A guy was in the military training to be a paratrooper and was telling his buddy about his first jump.
"The jump master was this big black guy. I mean he was probably 6' 8" and stocky, not someone you wanted to mess with. Well, as we started taking off I was a little nervous but the higher we went the more nervous I got. After we reached the target jump point everybody started bailing out but I just couldn't do it. Finally the jump master came to me and said, 'Boy, if you don't jump I going to ram eight inches of cock up your ass!'."
The friend asked, "Did you jump?"
"Well, only a little at first," he replied.